It’s happened! Class consciousness has finally spread across the land. We are all now acutely aware of our deteriorating material conditions and it only took Katy Perry in an unfortunate blue bodysuit to do it. The evil has been defeated! …or rather, that’s what I’d like to say but even in all of this ridiculousness, I don’t think we’re quite there yet. But Katy and Gayle and all of their efforts have certainly gotten us closer. In fact, I would say that this week we took a big leap forward, as opposed to our usual tiptoe toward enlightenment.
Yesterday, the publicity stunt to end all publicity stunts occurred when 5 random women were chosen to go to space for 11 minutes. Yes, in the time it takes to air fry the chicken chunks from Costco to crispy perfection, history was made several times over. The first pop star in space, the first Oprah’s best friend in space, and the first Billionaire’s future second wife in space- it was all very exciting. They even granted us plebians with plenty of highly edited photos and interviews, so that we could feel like we were there too. When Gayle said that Katy Perry serenaded the crew with a rendition of “What a Wonderful World” I smiled, thinking of how beautiful it must’ve been and definitely totally not pitchy at all. Undoubtedly, this one trip has done- something for someone, I’m sure.
You know, I often think of what it might be like to be a publicist. I honestly believe they have the hardest jobs in Hollywood. Probably across media in general. Interacting with the press is one thing but they also are completely responsible for the public perception of their clients. They have to craft the story of their client and maintain it across years or even decades. Even as a writer I can’t imagine the constant storytelling that goes into a job like that, and I have the utmost respect for them and their profession. That being said, I firmly believe Katy Perry’s publicist should consider hanging it up.
I have never seen a celebrity fall on the side of tone deaf as often as Katy Perry. I’m convinced there is no other way for her to be. No one else would make a confused and shitty woman’s empowerment anthem with a noted abuser and expect to get away with it. No other pop star would refer to their flop era as “purposeful pop” then proudly vote for notable trash bag Rick Caruso not even half a decade later. Her place in society is so singularly baffling, and I find myself more and more confused as each stunt goes by. Even more baffling, her antics never leave any lasting damage. I mean sure, people aren’t listening to her new music but that’s because it sucks not because people don’t like her well enough to listen. She’s been a judge on American Idol for many seasons now- a show that persists like a zombie with a fraction of its initial viewership but with ratings that justify its existence. Much like her career. At this point, this has to be a part of some grand scheme of hers, right? RIGHT?!
I think what really gets me is the hollow identity politics of it all. That Katy’s publicist, Gayle publicist, and all the publicists with their celebs in tow decided that what people needed was to see celebrities take a roller coaster ride to space. That because they’re celeb women, it’ll be more meaningful. Or maybe make people feel like all is right in the world and that we’re making progress? This is over-estimating your importance in a nutshell or better yet, under-estimating just how much people loathe celebrity nonsense now. Shit is bad enough for everyone to feel it i.e. it may be worse than it has ever been. We’re not going to be able to 2015, BuzzFeed-quiz, save the tatas our way out of any of this y’all.
This is truly a rant because I’m all over the place. I’d love to talk more about Katy Perry but Todd in the Shadows made a video essay that pretty much sums up everything I’d want to say. I also feel like I let Gayle off the hook too easy, but she’ll be on the hook with Oprah for a lifetime and I could hardly begin to top that. More than anything, the longer I look at those azure monstrosities they have on, the faster I want to not care about any of this anymore.
Gayle responding to the critiques of that lil space trip with “Have you been?” had the same so-out-of-touch-it’s-comedy energy as Johnathan Majors responding to his leaked confessions with “God has a plan”.
“I also feel like I let Gayle off the hook too easy, but she’ll be on the hook with Oprah for a lifetime and I could hardly begin to top that.” 😂
I’ll have to remind myself to not eat/drink/operate machinery while reading your rants. Almost choked and crashed. You’re hilarious and make solid points most people are afraid to say. This is the type of content we need, especially now.