Super Bowl Ads and Predicting the Rest of the Year
Truth be told I haven’t consistently watched football for over a decade, only popping in for the halftime performances during the big game and for one off games when I find myself at a sports bar. I’m also not the most supportive of the NFL’s policies over the past decade so it’s been easy to stay away. However, that doesn’t change the fact that there is cultural merit in watching the game every year, with one specific feature making the awkward calls and annoying pauses worth sitting through every time. I am talking of course about the Super Bowl ads, the most compelling part of the whole experience.
The Super Bowl is advertising’s biggest night, with companies of all kinds paying obscene amounts of money to show their best to the nation. Naturally, these ads have become an indication of what the owner class desires to see for the nation, as well as what they want us to think about the state of things. Therefore, we can reasonably predict some events of the next year (or at least I like to think I can). So, I am going to tackle some of the ads I found the most interesting and divine some truth out of them. Keep in mind, I am no psychic. If these do come to pass, please understand that I can not read any individual fortunes. Or give out lottery numbers. Okay, let’s get started:
Beyoncé and Verizon: This is by far the easiest one to tackle as Beyoncé herself told us what was happening next. We’re getting the long speculated country album as a continuation of her renaissance series. These albums seem to have a thesis of reclaiming black music or music that had been originated by black artists but because of erasure had no longer been identified with black people. Country then, is the perfect next step. As a genre originated by black people, you’d never know it by looking at country music today. I predict a shortage of cowboy boots and a growing of the backlash against Ticketmaster as the year progresses.
Kennedy Campaign: A super PAC supporting Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s run for president released a baffling and weirdly haunting ad in support of his campaign. I honestly thought it was going to morph into a smear ad with how menacing it was and I couldn’t believe his campaign would’ve approved it. I give him another 2 months at most in the race. All in all, I foresee continued struggles for independent candidates to break through. The situation in electoral politics is dire and based entirely on the machinations of the wealthy. Independent doesn’t work in a system like that.
Boycott Tesla: This gave me a small glimmer of hope. It seems as if a grassroots organization gathered enough money to warn people of the dangers present in Tesla’s “self driving vehicles”. This speaks to a greater awareness of corporate corruption among the average person and that maybe in the year 2024, people are starting to realize they have more power in advocation for themselves against these companies. People are also shaking off the haze of “cult of personality” that follows a few select figures, namely the alleged “founder” of Tesla. I predict the failing of a major company that has fashioned themselves as an institution to occur this year.
Kwesi and the NFL: This ad was supposed to read as heartwarming. Coming from the NFL, it read as transparent. The hollowness let me know that there is another racist backlash brewing shortly. Now that the DEI panic is winding down, they’ll need something else going into election season. I’m hoping they spare us all the bullshit and just go straight mask off, slurs and all. I can’t stand anymore breathless pearl-clutching and faux concern.
The endless parade of soulless celebrity cameos: More than any other year, this year we were inundated with so many random celebrity cameos for so many different kinds of products that they all began to blend into one. I couldn’t even tell what they were advertising at one point, hence why I lumped them all in together here. The assortments of people were also really random but the plots of these commercials were totally uninteresting. This is the best indictor that we are all shaking free of our parasocial relationships and the celebrities themselves know it. Their pockets feel it for sure. I can tell this will be a year of even harsher criticism for the elite and no one’s faves are exempt. Expect a “cancellation” of shockingly large magnitude that will have long-lasting implications going forward.