Love and agree with the post through and through. We're in an age now where looks and physical attraction drives everything. I hate that trend on TikTok because like you said, it's not that they're ugly, they have visibly Black features. And we all know that Black features aren't desired, especially now where the push for more Eurocentric features are back on a high rise. Everyone needs a step back from the apps.
What's even crazier is that black features aren't liked by people who have no desirable features themselves. These aren't people who you'd even want to desire you so people are driving themselves nuts for no reason.
This is why I got rid of tictok cold turkey. Not only it has me question my beauty but it also question my beliefs. Everyone has their own two cents about something. Too many opinions. It mess my head up so bad I wasn't myself. Especially seeing those good looking couples who travel and rich then I look at my life and wonder why I can't attract that or I don't deserve to have that. I don't like tictok at all. It's good for businesses but for me I couldn't handle it anymore so I deleted the app. Too much consuming everyone lives then no wonder we question ourselves. I don't think we're meant to consume so much personalities at once.
Also I don't like they are people to put in so much work and get like 100 views but I got some chick showing her pretty face then boom! 1 million views.
You hit the nail with this I had so much to say lol
This read me from head to toe and I’m not even on these social media platforms except this and YouTube.
“You’re not ugly you’re just visibly black” and just because it’s not white beauty doesn’t mean that it’s not beauty. Why does it always to be measured against that damnn..
I agree with missing the 2014 optimism of the internet SO much, I think about this regularly. The past few years, the internet just feels so *full* and the energies have changed so drastically that being online has such a completely different feeling now than it did 10 years ago.
I wish sincerely that the current younger generations growing up in such an intense environment had the experience of a softer community online the way I did when I was a young teen just learning about myself in the world. It changes how you view yourself and other people so much and it's hard to explain. We need to bring cringe and wholeheartedness back to these spaces so that the younger generations can learn to love themselves and their environments wholeheartedly too.
I sooooo agree. Self hate is just NOT it. I wish women would collectively forget about their looks and just take care of themselves like they would a plant and then see what that turns into. Instead, so many women treat themselves like they’re both the chef and dish at a five star restaurant that hardly anyone visits anyway.
I agree with most of this and also didn't realize until recently how much society has walked backwards when it comes to feelings about appearances. But I will say I can bet that *some* of these young ladies aren't told they're beautiful in person, and as mean as the internet can be it can also be very nice. So I could see how hearing it online, but not in real life makes it feel fake. I touch grass on a regular basis and do not get the compliments I think I deserve.
Yupp! I am not a Black woman, but everything that was written here still feels quite relatable. Just swap "Black" for "trans" and the same things still apply... I deleted my tiktok a couple of months ago because every time that I opened the app it would show me beautiful young trans girls either 1) picking apart their own appearance and lamenting over how "ugly" and "undesirable" they feel OR 2) transwomen dragging and policing the appearances of other transwomen. Honestly it was heartbreaking and so damaging for me to be exposed to that energy on a daily basis.
love this so much! this is so interesting to read because I was born in 03 so most of the internet culture I’ve been actively present for is what we have now. i only saw the tail end of the natural hair movement and now I’m watching the great unlocing , the relaxer renaissance that started with edges and has progressed to us deciding that the leave out necessitates permanently straight hair, ✨ethnic rhinoplasty✨ core, what kind of pretty are you, fatphobia becoming cool again because “it’s just a preference,” and a wealth of other things. i wonder if these permeate even our real life lived experience so much because a lot of our gen was socialized through the internet? maybe we don’t even know how to see beauty that isn’t the eurocentric standard because we spent so much time consuming it as the only beauty that there was (subconsciously because of who these platforms promote, who we saw on tv shows and what not) and we never worked the muscle to see things more widely. beauty, specifically proximity to eurocentric standards beauty means everything to us because it’s attached to better treatment, opportunities etc we know that it’s harmful and that moralizing beauty isn’t helping anyone, and yet it seems like we’re more content with sitting in that exclusive hell and longing for the privileges of being in the in crowd than even try to make things better for ourselves as we are now. we also made misogyny cool again, only it’s girl’s girls suggesting contouring your nose so your face looks “softer” under your graduation post. it’s all really jarring to witness and i appreciate you so much for this because not internalizing all of it really feels like swimming against a tide and losing.
Every day I thank the universe that I’m not on TikTok. It sounds like a dreadful place to be. I’ve seen these sorts of think pieces about being ugly here as well. They made me think of Toni Morrison’s Pecola, and how I struggled to believe that everyone found her ugly — or if it was simply that she was Black.
I heard that people tend to find what they’re regularly exposed to beautiful. In other words, if we were used to being represented, I doubt we would be so quick to call ourselves ugly.
I definitely agree with this... I was chronically online for a long time and it definitely impacted my view of myself at the time, because with every scroll comes a new "suggestion" on how to be prettier or finer, till I logged off everything for a while.
I think this generation is just self-obsessed with vanities that can disappear in the blink of an eye.
This was so beautifully written, thank you so much! It makes me think of The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf; it has broken down so many of my own jaded perceptions on what it means to be a woman. The very LEAST of what makes us special is our looks. Like can we maybe just focus on whether or not we’re happy with our hearts? Our aspirations? How we show up in our communities? If we smile or choose to remain stoic when confronted with strangers? If we’re good friends or good lovers? Choosing to live intentionally is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Being kind to the body we live in and the face that stares back in the mirror should be commonplace. I’m sad by the ways women, including myself, are constantly stacking themselves up against each other, wondering how we measure up.
If there was ever a moment in my Black ass life to start a slow clap, this would be it. Society’s acceptance of Eurocentric beauty standards are nothing new, and as someone who (unwillingly) attended a predominantly white high school, I still find myself wondering how this is still the narrative. I experienced all the annoying shit they say/do to us (after a laborious day of suntanning, comparing their slightly less translucent skin tone by shamelessly placing their arms against mine). When “ghetto” was the main adjective used to describe something that appeared to be cheap or unseemly. I could go on but I know I don’t need to. Ugh.
i think a lot of women of colour, myself too at one point in my life, feel insecure because we aren't "conventionally attractive" in terms of societal standards, which are usually held to white beauty standards. but we fail to realise it doesn't mean we aren't beautiful- of course we are. we just don't fit the standards of something we were never allowed/meant to be part of
Most white women don't even fit the standard. But constantly striving for it means you're that much more easily controlled and you have no time to step back and think about how terrible it all is.
Love and agree with the post through and through. We're in an age now where looks and physical attraction drives everything. I hate that trend on TikTok because like you said, it's not that they're ugly, they have visibly Black features. And we all know that Black features aren't desired, especially now where the push for more Eurocentric features are back on a high rise. Everyone needs a step back from the apps.
What's even crazier is that black features aren't liked by people who have no desirable features themselves. These aren't people who you'd even want to desire you so people are driving themselves nuts for no reason.
This is why I got rid of tictok cold turkey. Not only it has me question my beauty but it also question my beliefs. Everyone has their own two cents about something. Too many opinions. It mess my head up so bad I wasn't myself. Especially seeing those good looking couples who travel and rich then I look at my life and wonder why I can't attract that or I don't deserve to have that. I don't like tictok at all. It's good for businesses but for me I couldn't handle it anymore so I deleted the app. Too much consuming everyone lives then no wonder we question ourselves. I don't think we're meant to consume so much personalities at once.
Also I don't like they are people to put in so much work and get like 100 views but I got some chick showing her pretty face then boom! 1 million views.
You hit the nail with this I had so much to say lol
It’s too easy to fall into it. I’m just grateful this wasn’t around when I was in high school or I’d be cooked
It's sad to say this generation won't experience what we get to experience growing up. This generation is being pressure
This read me from head to toe and I’m not even on these social media platforms except this and YouTube.
“You’re not ugly you’re just visibly black” and just because it’s not white beauty doesn’t mean that it’s not beauty. Why does it always to be measured against that damnn..
My dear take your flowers 🌷
I agree with missing the 2014 optimism of the internet SO much, I think about this regularly. The past few years, the internet just feels so *full* and the energies have changed so drastically that being online has such a completely different feeling now than it did 10 years ago.
I wish sincerely that the current younger generations growing up in such an intense environment had the experience of a softer community online the way I did when I was a young teen just learning about myself in the world. It changes how you view yourself and other people so much and it's hard to explain. We need to bring cringe and wholeheartedness back to these spaces so that the younger generations can learn to love themselves and their environments wholeheartedly too.
I agree completely. They have nowhere to be free online. I don't envy them at all.
I sooooo agree. Self hate is just NOT it. I wish women would collectively forget about their looks and just take care of themselves like they would a plant and then see what that turns into. Instead, so many women treat themselves like they’re both the chef and dish at a five star restaurant that hardly anyone visits anyway.
Whose convention is it, anyway?!
I agree with most of this and also didn't realize until recently how much society has walked backwards when it comes to feelings about appearances. But I will say I can bet that *some* of these young ladies aren't told they're beautiful in person, and as mean as the internet can be it can also be very nice. So I could see how hearing it online, but not in real life makes it feel fake. I touch grass on a regular basis and do not get the compliments I think I deserve.
Thanks for being so real 🩷
Yupp! I am not a Black woman, but everything that was written here still feels quite relatable. Just swap "Black" for "trans" and the same things still apply... I deleted my tiktok a couple of months ago because every time that I opened the app it would show me beautiful young trans girls either 1) picking apart their own appearance and lamenting over how "ugly" and "undesirable" they feel OR 2) transwomen dragging and policing the appearances of other transwomen. Honestly it was heartbreaking and so damaging for me to be exposed to that energy on a daily basis.
That let's me know that tiktok is using the algorithm to figure out our identities so they can show us tailored, incendiary content. Beyond troubling.
Thank you for using my photo and crediting me. Truly appreciate!
Thank you for taking such a beautiful photo!
love this so much! this is so interesting to read because I was born in 03 so most of the internet culture I’ve been actively present for is what we have now. i only saw the tail end of the natural hair movement and now I’m watching the great unlocing , the relaxer renaissance that started with edges and has progressed to us deciding that the leave out necessitates permanently straight hair, ✨ethnic rhinoplasty✨ core, what kind of pretty are you, fatphobia becoming cool again because “it’s just a preference,” and a wealth of other things. i wonder if these permeate even our real life lived experience so much because a lot of our gen was socialized through the internet? maybe we don’t even know how to see beauty that isn’t the eurocentric standard because we spent so much time consuming it as the only beauty that there was (subconsciously because of who these platforms promote, who we saw on tv shows and what not) and we never worked the muscle to see things more widely. beauty, specifically proximity to eurocentric standards beauty means everything to us because it’s attached to better treatment, opportunities etc we know that it’s harmful and that moralizing beauty isn’t helping anyone, and yet it seems like we’re more content with sitting in that exclusive hell and longing for the privileges of being in the in crowd than even try to make things better for ourselves as we are now. we also made misogyny cool again, only it’s girl’s girls suggesting contouring your nose so your face looks “softer” under your graduation post. it’s all really jarring to witness and i appreciate you so much for this because not internalizing all of it really feels like swimming against a tide and losing.
We're definitely losing the battle and this is all indicative of the right wing shift this country has taken.
Every day I thank the universe that I’m not on TikTok. It sounds like a dreadful place to be. I’ve seen these sorts of think pieces about being ugly here as well. They made me think of Toni Morrison’s Pecola, and how I struggled to believe that everyone found her ugly — or if it was simply that she was Black.
I heard that people tend to find what they’re regularly exposed to beautiful. In other words, if we were used to being represented, I doubt we would be so quick to call ourselves ugly.
Yes exactly. To make matters worse TikTok has a history of purposefully not promoting certain people. Guess who.
Right 🥺 Most algorithms I’m afraid are build that way.
I definitely agree with this... I was chronically online for a long time and it definitely impacted my view of myself at the time, because with every scroll comes a new "suggestion" on how to be prettier or finer, till I logged off everything for a while.
I think this generation is just self-obsessed with vanities that can disappear in the blink of an eye.
Thank you for this piece, xx
This was so beautifully written, thank you so much! It makes me think of The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf; it has broken down so many of my own jaded perceptions on what it means to be a woman. The very LEAST of what makes us special is our looks. Like can we maybe just focus on whether or not we’re happy with our hearts? Our aspirations? How we show up in our communities? If we smile or choose to remain stoic when confronted with strangers? If we’re good friends or good lovers? Choosing to live intentionally is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. Being kind to the body we live in and the face that stares back in the mirror should be commonplace. I’m sad by the ways women, including myself, are constantly stacking themselves up against each other, wondering how we measure up.
If there was ever a moment in my Black ass life to start a slow clap, this would be it. Society’s acceptance of Eurocentric beauty standards are nothing new, and as someone who (unwillingly) attended a predominantly white high school, I still find myself wondering how this is still the narrative. I experienced all the annoying shit they say/do to us (after a laborious day of suntanning, comparing their slightly less translucent skin tone by shamelessly placing their arms against mine). When “ghetto” was the main adjective used to describe something that appeared to be cheap or unseemly. I could go on but I know I don’t need to. Ugh.
I hate seeing it on TikTok, perpetuated for the next generation. It's really hard to watch.
i think a lot of women of colour, myself too at one point in my life, feel insecure because we aren't "conventionally attractive" in terms of societal standards, which are usually held to white beauty standards. but we fail to realise it doesn't mean we aren't beautiful- of course we are. we just don't fit the standards of something we were never allowed/meant to be part of
Most white women don't even fit the standard. But constantly striving for it means you're that much more easily controlled and you have no time to step back and think about how terrible it all is.
amen!!!!!